Networking
The Web of Connections
Historically, networking has existed for centuries, from ancient trade routes to royal courts, where alliances were formed through shared interests and trust.
Its purpose remains the same: to exchange knowledge, resources, and support. Whether in business, social circles, or personal growth. Networking helps us find opportunities, collaborate, and navigate the world more effectively.
Every connection starts with a single interaction a conversation, a shared interest, a mutual goal. Over time, these interactions weave together into a web of relationships, offering support, knowledge, and opportunities. Some connections will be strong, forming the backbone of your professional and personal life. Others may seem small but still play a role in expanding your reach.
Just as a spider doesn’t spin its web aimlessly, effective networking requires intention and strategy. Whether for career growth, personal development, or simply learning from others, networking is about creating a web that supports you—and in turn, supports those within it.
Networking is a skill some people navigate it with ease, while others find it overwhelming. If it feels natural to you, there’s no need to overthink it. But if the thought of networking makes your stomach turn, leaves you feeling unsteady, or fills you with dread,It might be worth taking a closer look at what Networking really means to you.
If networking feels daunting, it might help to rethink what it truly is.
At its core, networking isn’t just about work it’s something we do every day, often without realising it.
We engage in conversations with neighbors, collaborate with colleagues, and participate in community activities, all of which contribute to building our social networks.
These informal interactions lay the foundation for more structured, professional networking when the context shifts to work-related environments.
Reframing Networking: From Daily Interactions to Meaningful Connections
The difference? Intention.
Someone who is good at networking understands why they are there. They have a clear sense of purpose. whether it’s to learn, collaborate, offer support or simply connect with like-minded individuals.
They don’t see networking as just a means to an end but as an ongoing process of relationship building.
Because they know their why, they approach conversations with confidence, remain present in the moment, and engage authentically, rather than anxiously seeking approval or validation.
Why Some Struggle While Others Thrive
Networking isn’t just about exchanging business cards it’s about forming social bonds, and this is where psychology plays a role. Research suggests that social anxiety, imposter syndrome, and even evolutionary survival instincts can shape how we navigate social spaces (Leary, 2001).
Here are some key factors at play:
Fear of Rejection: A study by Lieberman & Eisenberger (2009) found that social rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain. This means our hesitancy at networking events isn’t just in our heads
it’s a survival instinct.
Cognitive Overload: According to Epley & Schroeder (2014), introverts and analytical thinkers often find networking draining because their brains process social information more deeply, making casual chatter feel exhausting rather than energizing.
The Hierarchy Effect: Social psychologist Susan Fiske (2018) highlights how human interactions are often dictated by perceived hierarchies. We subconsciously categorise people into “higher” and “lower” social status, which can make networking feel like an uncomfortable power dynamic rather than an organic conversation.
So, if you struggle with networking, it’s not because you’re socially incompetent it may be because your brain is wired differently.
The good news?
Understanding the game makes it easier to play.
Getting to the Root: A Self-Help Approach to Networking
If networking feels unnatural or intimidating, it may be helpful to explore what’s holding you back. Different psychological perspectives offer valuable insights into why networking may feel uncomfortable and how to overcome these barriers.
Journaling for Self-Discovery
Start by reflecting on your past networking experiences. Ask yourself:
What emotions arise when I think about networking?
Have I had negative experiences that shaped my current feelings?
What beliefs do I hold about networking and my ability to connect with others?
Writing down your thoughts can help identify recurring patterns and limiting beliefs.
Journaling: Self-Reflection and Pattern Recognition
What It Requires:
A notebook or digital document
A quiet space to reflect
Willingness to be honest with yourself
How to Apply It:
Write about past networking experiences (both positive and negative).
Identify emotions that arise when thinking about networking.
Ask yourself: What do I believe about networking? Where did these beliefs come from?
Track patterns—do certain situations make you more anxious?
Use a journal as a tool to challenge negative assumptions and re-frame your mindset.
Unlocking Your Networking Blocks: A Self-Help Journaling Guide
Step 1: Identify Your Core Challenge
Below is a checklist to help you identify what might be making networking difficult for you. Read each statement and tick any that resonate with you.
🟢 (Self-Perception & Authenticity)
⬜ I feel like I have to put on a persona to be accepted in networking settings.
⬜ I don’t feel “good enough” to be in the room with certain people.
⬜ I struggle with self-doubt and worry about being judged.
⬜ I find small talk meaningless and prefer deeper, more authentic conversations.
➡ If you checked these, you might benefit from Humanistic strategies.
A commitment to being your true self in networking situations.
What would it look like if you were your true self?
A mindset shift from getting something to offering something.
🟠 (Meaning & Fear of Rejection)
⬜ I question the point of networking—why should I even bother?
⬜ I feel out of place, like I don’t belong.
⬜ I fear rejection and assume people won’t want to talk to me.
⬜ I feel disconnected from others, even when I try to engage.
➡ If you checked these, you might benefit from Existential strategies.
🔵 (Trust & Relationship Patterns)
⬜ I find it difficult to trust new people in social or professional settings.
⬜ I feel anxious when networking, worried about how I’m being perceived.
⬜ I tend to withdraw and avoid interactions rather than risk rejection.
⬜ I feel like I overcompensate, talking too much or trying too hard to be liked.
➡ If you checked these, you might benefit from Attachment-based strategies.
🟣 (Unconscious Patterns & Emotional Triggers)
⬜ I feel like networking triggers old wounds from past social experiences.
⬜ I avoid networking because it reminds me of rejection or exclusion from my past.
⬜ I notice I act differently in professional settings than in personal ones, and I don’t know why.
⬜ I use humor, over-intellectualizing, or distancing myself as a way to cope.
➡ If you checked these, you might benefit from Psychodynamic strategies.
Step 2: Journaling Prompts & Strategies for Each Approach
🟢 If You Struggle with Self-Worth & Authenticity (Humanistic Approach):
Journaling Prompts:
When have I felt most like myself in social situations? What made it different?
What values are most important to me, and how can I bring them into networking?
What would networking look like if I were fully comfortable being myself?
Strategies to Try:
✅ Practice self-compassion—remind yourself that you are enough as you are.
✅ Find networking spaces aligned with your interests to foster more authentic connections.
✅ Set an intention before each event: "I will focus on connecting, not performing."
[🔗 Click here for deeper insights & exercises]
🟠 If You Struggle with Meaning & Fear of Rejection (Existential Approach):
Journaling Prompts:
What does networking mean to me? What purpose do I want it to serve in my life?
How do I react when I feel rejected? Is rejection always as bad as I assume?
What’s one small, low-stakes networking experience I can challenge myself to engage in?
Strategies to Try:
✅ Shift your mindset from "networking is a chore" to "networking is an opportunity."
✅ Reframe rejection as redirection—not everyone is a perfect connection.
✅ Focus on deep, meaningful conversations rather than collecting contacts.
[🔗 Click here for deeper insights & exercises]
🔵 If You Struggle with Trust & Relationship Patterns (Attachment Approach):
Journaling Prompts:
How did I learn to navigate social relationships as a child? Do those patterns still affect me today?
Do I tend to withdraw or overcompensate in networking situations? Why?
Who are the people in my life that I trust most? What qualities do they have?
Strategies to Try:
✅ Work on building trust gradually—start with one-on-one conversations before big events.
✅ If you feel anxious, practice grounding techniques before engaging in networking.
✅ Observe how others interact naturally, and remind yourself that connection takes time.
[🔗 Click here for deeper insights & exercises]
🟣 If You Struggle with Past Social Wounds & Emotional Triggers (PDA):
Journal Prompts:
What past experiences come to mind when I think about networking discomfort?
Do I feel like I’m repeating patterns from my past in professional settings?
What defense mechanisms (humor, avoidance, over-analysing) do I use, and why?
Strategies to Try:
✅ Identify recurring emotions that arise in networking situations and trace them back to past experiences.
✅ Work on challenging old narratives—remind yourself that past rejection doesn’t define your worth.
✅ Try re-parenting techniques—talk to yourself with the kindness and reassurance you needed as a child.
[🔗 Click here for deeper insights & exercises]
Step 3: Take Action
Now that you’ve identified your core challenge and explored strategies, choose one small step to implement in your next networking experience.
📌 Example: If I struggle with authenticity, I will engage in one conversation where I share something genuine about myself.
📌 Example: If I fear rejection, I will remind myself that one awkward conversation does not define me.
📌 Example: If I have trust issues, I will focus on listening more than talking to ease into connections.
✅ Reflect on how it went. Did you notice any patterns or changes in your approach?
[🔗 Click here to explore next steps for long-term growth]
Final Thoughts
Networking isn’t about forcing connections it’s about understanding yourself and creating relationships that right for you feel. By exploring your inner blocks, you empower yourself to approach networking with clarity and confidence.
💡 Remember: You don’t have to be the loudest person in the room. You just need to be present.
Rethinking Networking
How to Make It Work for You
If traditional networking feels fake or intimidating, try these research-backed strategies:
1. Set a Purpose Before You Enter
Instead of focusing on “meeting as many people as possible,” define what success looks like for you. Maybe it’s having one meaningful conversation, learning something new, or just observing the room to understand its dynamics.
2. Re-frame the Situation
Rather than seeing networking as a transactional event, view it as an opportunity for genuine connection. Studies show that people who approach conversations with curiosity rather than self-promotion are perceived as more likable and authentic (Van Edwards, 2017).
3. Use the Power of Questions
If small talk feels pointless, steer the conversation toward something deeper. Instead of asking, “What do you do?”, try “What’s the most exciting project you’re working on right now?” This shifts the interaction from surface-level chatter to meaningful dialogue.
4. Control Your Exit Strategy
Networking anxiety often stems from not knowing how to gracefully leave a conversation. Try a simple approach like: “It was great talking to you. I want to meet a few more people before the event ends, but I’d love to stay in touch.”
5. Follow Up in a Way That Feels Right
Not every networking event needs to end with a LinkedIn request. If you connected with someone, a simple email saying, “I enjoyed our conversation about X. If you’d ever like to continue the discussion, let’s connect.” can be a low-pressure way to build relationships.
📌 Step 4: Are You Ready for Networking? A Readiness Assessment
Networking isn’t just about showing up—it’s about being mentally and emotionally prepared. Use this self-assessment to see where you are in your readiness journey.
🟢 Readiness Check: Where Are You?
Tick what applies to you:
⬜ I feel comfortable introducing myself to new people.
⬜ I can confidently share what I do without feeling self-conscious.
⬜ I don’t take rejection or disinterest personally.
⬜ I can handle awkward silences without panicking.
⬜ I know how to ask engaging questions to keep conversations going.
⬜ I have a goal for networking (e.g., building relationships, learning, career growth).
If you ticked most of these, you’re likely READY. Jump to [🔗 Next Steps].
🟠 If You’re Not Ready, Here’s How to Get There
Not feeling ready? That’s okay! Readiness comes in stages.
🛠️ Stage 1: Self-Preparation
Reflect: What is holding me back? Fear of judgment? Lack of confidence? Uncertainty?
Mindset Shift: Networking isn’t about proving yourself—it’s about connecting.
Practice: Start with low-pressure conversations in familiar settings.
🎭 Stage 2: Social Warm-Up
Start Small: Chat with baristas, store clerks, or colleagues.
Role-Play: Practice common networking scenarios with a friend.
Prepare an Introduction: Keep it simple: “Hi, I’m [Your Name], I do [Your Work/Passion], and I love learning about [Interest]. What about you?”
🚀 Stage 3: Take Action
Attend a Small Event First: Less overwhelming than big networking events.
Have a Goal: “Today, I will talk to 3 new people and learn 1 new thing.”
Debrief Afterward: Reflect on what went well and what could improve.
[🔗 Click here for exercises to boost confidence]
📌 Step 5: Building Emotional Resilience for Networking
Networking can be triggering for some people. Here’s how to build a strong, resilient mindset so you don’t take things personally.
🟡 The “Not Taking It Personally” Checklist
✅ People’s reactions are about them, not you. If someone is cold, busy, or uninterested, it’s likely not personal—it’s their mood, stress, or priorities.
✅ Not everyone will “click”—and that’s okay. Just like friendships, networking works best with natural alignment.
✅ You don’t have to correct or impress people. Let go of the need to prove yourself or “fix” misconceptions.
✅ Curiosity over Ego. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know much about that—can you tell me more?” This makes you more approachable and relatable.
✅ Your worth is not tied to others’ opinions. Someone’s disinterest or differing opinion doesn’t change your value.
[🔗 Click here for a mindset reframing guide]
📌 Step 6: The “Genuine Presence” Strategy
Networking isn’t about forcing yourself to be impressive—it’s about showing up authentically and letting genuine connections unfold.
🟣 The Three-Part Formula for Being Genuine:
1️⃣ Show up as yourself. You don’t have to be “on” all the time—relaxed, real conversations build the best connections.
2️⃣ Engage with curiosity. Ask open-ended questions and listen with genuine interest.
3️⃣ Be okay with “I don’t know.” It’s a powerful and humble way to learn from others.
✅ Example:
🔹 Instead of: “Oh, I know all about that!”
🔹 Try: “That’s interesting—I haven’t looked into that much. What do you think?”
✅ Example:
🔹 Instead of: Correcting someone’s opinion
🔹 Try: “That’s an interesting perspective! I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
[🔗 Click here for tips on deep listening & engaging conversations]
Final Thought:
Networking isn’t a test—it’s a chance to connect. By shifting your mindset, preparing strategically, and staying true to yourself, you’ll navigate networking with ease and confidence.